Austin TX Real Estate - Hill Country Austin Lakeway Homes for Sale: Driving in Dallas, Texas

Driving in Dallas, Texas

This is hilarious... there is no copyright information on where it came from, so if someone reads this and claims, I will more than happily recognize you.

Driving in Dallas,Texas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.  (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules...   "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.  When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five before going when the light turns green to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth !"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave,
Ave K, and Highway 5.  It ends in Sherman ..

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman.

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many nort h/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound.  If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas 

Comment balloon 11 commentsDonna Harris • September 06 2007 04:09PM


This DOES sound familiar - but only because I spent my adolescence and learned to drive in Dallas.  (We never had problems with parking outside the gates at the State Fair, though.  It just LOOKED scary - those folks really don't want to kill the goose that laid the golden egg.) 

And I remember that comment about Beltline from when my sister first moved to Dallas and we drove up there to visit her - she said not to get on it because we'd never get off.  That must have been about 1958.



Posted by Tricia Jumonville, Texas REALTOR , Agent With Horse Sense (Bradfield Properties) over 12 years ago
Ok for those of us in Cali what is a "beltline" other than something right below my belly button. Mapsco? is that Pepsi that was made in Mexico? You want to talk rush hour, have you ever been on the 405, it's rush hour all the time, even holidays. Even though it is not leagal to be armed in the Golden State, most are anyway. :-)
Posted by Rob Baldwin, REALTOR, Santa Clarita (US ECO-GREEN REAL ESTATE INC.) over 12 years ago
I've read this before and it is still so funny!  Thanks, I needed a good laugh tonight.
Posted by Linda Box Taylor, Your Plano, TX Realtor (Castle Connections Realty) over 12 years ago

Rob, Beltline is a street that you'll see all over the place because it actually makes a huge loop around the entire Dallas area.  You'll be going east or west on it, but then you have to turn and you'll be going north and south.  It's not a high, just a regular street, and it's never-ending.  When I was in corportate world, if people came to my work for lunch or something, driving instructions were to take Beltline to Beltline which sounds confusing, but living here, it makes sense.

Also, we don't put the word "the" in front of our highways.  It's not THE 635, or THE 35.  It's just plain 635 or 35 or 75 or 20 or 30, etc... I don't understand why Cali puts THE in front of their highways.

Posted by Donna Harris, Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator (Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - over 12 years ago

That is funny and somewhat true. I have been lost in Dallas a few times most recenly after a Cowboy game they detoured us out a different direction. I drove around all night was tempted to stay in a Hotel but my Aunt and Uncle live in LewisVille and they were staying up late waiting for me.


Posted by Alan Kirkpatrick, Alan in Austin (Austin Texas Homes) over 12 years ago
Alan, Beltline turns into Denton Tap in Irving going north and that dead-ends into Lewisville!  If you had found Beltline, you would have been right there!!
Posted by Donna Harris, Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator (Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - over 12 years ago

Go to the comedy club. Every out of town act comments on our silly traffic.


Posted by Tom Burris, Texas/Louisiana Mortgage Pro - 13 YRS Experience (NMLS# 335055) over 12 years ago
Yes, it does get old at the comedy clubs...
Posted by Donna Harris, Realtor,Mediator,Ombudsman,Property Tax Arbitrator (Donna Homes, powered by JPAR - over 12 years ago
I just searched this on the blogs cause I just got it from a friend and was going to post as well. Glad you did, it is too funny and so sadly TRUE!
Posted by Karen Otto, Plano Home Staging, Dallas Home Staging, (Home Star Staging) over 12 years ago
How funny. Hubby and I got lost in Dallas in August. We were in Denton and decided to go to Cabellas and it took us 2 hours on the freeway to get there only to find out we were 10 minutes from there when we started out!!
Posted by Cheri Smith, Realtor Prudential Gary Greene (Prudential Gary Greene, Cypress TX) over 12 years ago
This is Good! and true!
Posted by Kim Dean, d + b real estate, McKinney, TX REALTOR Broker/Own ( over 12 years ago