I hate shaking people's hands. It's not that I don't want to greet them nicely and professionally, but being a woman, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to shake hands.
Many women do the dainty, limp fish hand shake, which is why I'm sure men don't always know how to shake women's hands.
For example, I'll gage the gentleman and think about his personality, and I'll think he's going to have a hardy grip. I go in with a firm grip, and he's barely touching my hand... oops.
If I think he's a less aggressive person, I'll go in with a less firm grip, and then he's squeezing the life out of my hand... oops again.
Women are the worse! I have this client who is very loud, very stern, very knows-what-she-wants-and-she's-going-to-get-it, and she was buying a house site-unseen. When I finally meet her in person, she's definitely not what I would call a fragile person. I go in to shake her hand with a very aggressive grip from knowing her for the past 4 months, and I get the limp, dead fish... I was shocked. My hand was glued to hers and I couldn't release the grip. I felt so bad. I thought she would be coming in with the same grip.
And then there are those women that are dainty and very feminine and as I approach with my non-threatening grip, they're giving the firm grip, and I feel like an idiot.
What are the rules for a handshake??
Donna,
That's a valuable point. I don't think there is a universal rule for that. I guess it depends on the situation. I've done some international business and learned that in Middle East men never shake women's hands, not because they consider them undeserving, but rather showing them respect and admiration. So, if I am around men from that region of the world, I wait for them to make that gesture and if they don't, it simply shows their respect for their heritage and me. In other times, if I am meeting people from South East Asia (like China, Japan, Malasia and Hong Kong), the handshake is usually done without the "aggressive grip" and usually without direct eye contact. Once again has to do with people's culture. And as always, there are exceptions to the rules.
My Dad always told me to look people in the eye and give a firm, solid handshake. I think this should be universal- it is polite, makes good sense and shows confidence.
I remember a man once gave me a limp fish handshake and then apologized for it when I gave him a firm handshake in return. I think a man should always shake hands like a man- even when shaking a woman's hand. On the other hand (no pun intended) there is no need to break bones, a father of one of my daughter's classmates literally made me squeak in pain when he CRUSHED my hand...
So, even with just these 5 comments, it seems like the handshake should always be "firm". I do feel a little weird when someone grabs at our hands with their left. I never know what to do with that, but it's usually an older woman doing it.
Rich- I've been sick all week, and I can't imagine how many people get sick everyday because of the kissing thing.
donna
maybe you are trying to hard.
firm and strong....... but not a deathgrip.
most of all.... it should be inviting. remember, you are selling..... palm a little up is inviting..... palm down shows power. <= not warm and inviting.
you should develop only 1 or 2 shakes. one for clients and one for colleagues. both will be firm, solid and steady. palm up for clients. palm neutral for colleagues.
is there a toastmasters for handshaking?!?!?!
Donna,
Read this article, it might render some solutions: http://www.visionalliance.com/shakehands.htm
I believe in a firm and strong hand shake, not bone crunching, at all times.
The handshake is more about you and less about the other person. Your problem really comes from anticipating what the other person is going to do. Your handshake should be the same everytime. I have a really close friend and she presents her hand slightly bent, palm facing down. For a man to shake firmly, he would have to turn his hand palm UP which is strange. Why does she do this? Because she feels she is a lady and a lady doesn't "SHAKE" (her words). She PRESENTS her hand in greeting and most men lightly "hold" her hand when greeting her. When greeting a woman professionally she will NOT shake as she feels that is not something women do. She greets them, smiles, introduces herself with eye contact but does not offer a hand to a woman.
Is she right? wrong? insane? born 200 years too late? I don't know, but I do know that she has ONE answer for her and that's enough.
Do what represents you and do it consistently. I would think a limp handshake followed by a firm handshake at the second meeting would be confusing. It sends the message that you are uncertain about yourself and not confident (which I believe you to be).
Ken